I brew beer to drink, I like to make things as easy and as trouble free as possible. This is not the best way to brew beer! if you want to pratt with hops, malt and other additives then don't follw this procedure, having said that this method would have to be up there as relatively safe from infection and with minimal amount of effort.
	I'm pretty lazy and only wash the bottle after drinking whatever was inside it, I really hate picking up the wrong bottle at this stage. If the bottle looks really dirty throw it away and get another one, there's nothing worse than washing bottles when it comes to doing anything with bottles.
	When I store the Carboy after filling the bottles with beer, I usually rinse it out and fill with water, then add some Sodium Metabisulphite and its sterilizing for the next brew. When I get around to making another Brew, the sterilizing solution sitting in the carboy I use to fill the bottles while the brew is cooking for the week, this way the bottles get sterilized without all the effort of washing them out.
	I then empty out the Carboy and fill with warm water, just below the handles
	Slowly pour the wart in stirring all the time and then rinsing out the tin with a little more warmer water.
	Slowly pour in whatever your using, this time I was trying pre made mixture of 500g of Dextrose, 300gs of light malt and 200gs of dark malt. I have used other blends, but the advice to anyone is stay away from sugar. I used sugar for years and it works fine, but then my aim at that time was to make beer, cheap beer. Now; I like to make beer, good beer. Make sure you stir constantly, I know this seems like an awful lot of hard work, but if you get someone to help with the stirring, its a whole different ball game.
	Done, finally after a exhausting 20 minutes. Top up to the top of the handles with water to bring the temp to about 26 - 28. At this stage 'apparently' , some people measure the specific gravity, this I am sure is so then can tell people during conversation what the specific gravity was when they started the brew, they then crap on till they get to the specific gravity at the end of the brew so people who are still awake can go 'ohhh'
	Add the Yeast.
	I fill the bubbler thingo with Sodium Metabisulphite and do the finger test to make sure the carboy is sealed.
	One week later when its finished bubbling and you just can't wait any longer, it must be time to bottle. You can get a tester, but what are you going to do if the reading is too high or too low. Ill tell you - nothing, people give you these wonderful things to do in case its this, or in case it that! I found non of it worked and the more you fiddle the more chance of infection. Drinking 28 bottles of shitty beer is not nice, if your really good you can slip a few in towards the end of the night, especially when you have people over you don't know that well. Not a bad word will be said, you got a 90% chance you won't see them again and besides - there already pissed! They will probably want to take some home, don't let them cos you will get a bad name! The bottles that you filled with the Sterilized water a week ago you can get rid of, apart from one bottle which you can put the bottler pipe and end bits in to sterilize while your putting the sugar in the bottles.
	Also put some in a cup and put the lids in to sterilize too.
	Put the sugar in! - well I purchased this sugar dispenser years ago and have to look like I have special tools for brewing, I mean you can't have people round and show them nothing - hey! thats nothing wait till you see the 'cappa 5000' - Oh sorry about 1 teaspoon of sugar, this is to give the beer its head and its PppssttT!!!! when you open it. You gotta have PppssttT! - otherwise people look at you like your trying to poison them, I don't know - its all in the PppsstTT - apparently. I could buy pellets now to but in the bottles - I don't know if it would give me a little more PppsstTT or not but I will try it one day. Maybe a PPPSSSSTTTT! ... Hmmmm
	Obviously you then fill the bottles. I always toss the first tap full to get rid of the crap that has settled in the tap. When filling the bottle I swirl the first couple of inches to help dissolve the sugar. The orange thing around the brew is a heat ring. Its for lifting the temp if its too cold. I used to have a cupboard with a light in - I liked that one, Tim uses an old electric blanket. Keeping the brew below 28-30 in the summer has always been a problem, I even tried getting a freezer and adjusting the temp to 26 and putting the thermostat inside the freezer but it just didn't work too well, so I decided to do my brewing in the winter as its easier to keep the brew warm than trying to keep it cool.
	Fill the bottles to the top, when you pull the bottle down the beer will be about an inch or more from the top, this is good. You need this gap to top up with urine..
	Put the lids on as you go.
	Once they are filled, you can cap them, I strongly recommend throwing away the capper you get that you hit with a hammer, I know I haven't but should. Get yourself a respectable capper - look at this one, I call it the 'Capper 5000' - I really don't know what its called, but I like it!
	This is how it works, however you do need 2 hands. My large breasted, naked, only knows the words 'more please' sex object (I mention sex - she objects) photographer was busy washing her hair when last begged her to take some photo's.
	Date the bottles, this is really good so you can blame something (or someone) when it smells like shit, pours like shit and bloody tastes like shit. To be honest I havn't had a bad brew - coff.
	Give them a couple of shakes to hopefully make them explode.
	All packed away, they should be kept warm for a week. - or is it cool, whatever - I usually put them on the shelf but decided to put them in the freezer (the one that doesn't work) for photo enhancement purposes.
	Wash out the Carboy
	Use something soft to get the crap off, don't use anything hard otherwise it will scratch the carboy (plastic) and you can get infections. STD's are a real bitch or are they 'from' a real bitch.
	Fill it up with water and Sterilizer, and you are back where you started.
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